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A blood-soaked manifesto by Sammy
1. TANGIBLE TERROR ALWAYS WINS
When Tom Savini blew up a head in Day of the Dead, that was actual animal organs hitting an actor’s face. When CGI does it? Just math equations pretending to be gore. Your lizard brain knows the difference – practical effects trigger primal fear, CGI triggers uncanny valley.
“CGI monsters are like vegan steak – technically impressive but spiritually empty”
2. THE AGING TEST
| YEAR | PRACTICAL | CGI |
|---|---|---|
| 1982 | The Thing (still perfect) | Tron (looks like calculator games) |
| 1990 | Total Recall (Mars mutants rule) | Lawnmower Man (laughable) |
| 2020 | Mad Max: Fury Road (hybrid) | Mulan (plastic nightmare) |
3. ACTORS NEED REAL HORROR TO REACT TO
Linda Blair didn’t imagine being possessed in The Exorcist – she had hydraulic rigs throwing her across the room. Modern actors just stare at tennis balls and hope the VFX team gives a shit. That’s why 70s horror performances feel real and modern ones feel like… well, acting.
4. THE 3 EXCEPTIONS WHEN CGI WORKS
- Removing safety wires (but only if we can’t see the seams)
- Enhancing practical effects (Fury Road’s sandstorm)
- When James Cameron personally supervises it
FINAL VERDICT: GIVE ME RUBBER MONSTERS OR GIVE ME DEATH
— Sammy
*currently elbow-deep in liquid latex*
🔥 WATCH THE SPECIAL FEATURES ON ANY 80S HORROR BLU-RAY TO SEE HOW REAL ARTISTS WORKED 🔥
